she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
