I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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