Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize