I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish you could order shots online.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
