She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
