Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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