I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
