What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
