she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
