i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
