Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize