Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
