What did we do last night that was yellow?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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