Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
