You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
