What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He has the fingertips of a God
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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