what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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