When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
