i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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