P.S. I can't hear my feet
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
