Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
