Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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