He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
