Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
