I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
