I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
