i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
