the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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