Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
