5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
