I hate your face
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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