Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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