I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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