Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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