She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
