Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
