I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize