I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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