My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
