does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
