i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
