whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize