The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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