she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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