Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
