I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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