we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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