remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
