i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
