The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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