and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
