Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
well you can't waste a boner
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
