why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
