Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
