Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize