MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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