i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
