I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm like, not good at living.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
