im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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