I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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