Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
