I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
