I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
