I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
