it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
