dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
