Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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