I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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