You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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