clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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