even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
