am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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