im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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