Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
