yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the gays at disneyland are vicious
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
