Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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