Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
